Week 3
[Sat, 27 Nov 2010 22:21:00]
Firenze (Chris Fox) is gunned down by Adrenaline Sheep (Ed Wynn), who is then is swiftly dispatched by Cyanide_Serenity!
Firenze reports:
"I had had no luck in gathering information on my own target. He is a crafty foe, having left no record of his activities and shirking the usual facilities of the Book of Faces and the flock of tweeting birds. Even the information the Bureau provided me regarding his educational activities was of little aid for various reasons. While lately I have been carefully planning a more reckless attempt, I took an evening to celebrate the anniversary of my birth with carefully selected and trustworthy compatriots.
We ajourned to the popular eating place, The Picture House, and as we arrived my cunning dispatcher (according to my soon-to-be avenger) followed us in. To my shame I did not recognise the danger I was in and in any case was in no state to properly deal with the villain, having foolishly left my weapon upon a shelf in my well-defended, near-impenetrable dormitory.
It was some time later, as we were dining upon our individual mixed grills, that the Sheep approached from behind. He called my true name and, rather than burst from my seat, grab a plate with which to (pardon the pun) cover my rear and retort with a well-thrown steak knife, I amicably turned towards the voice... only to be left staring down the barrel of a high-calibre banana.
In my final moments before consciousness slipped away and all was dark, I congratulated my killer on a job well done and witnessed one of my dining partners draw their own weapon with which to even the score."
Cyanide_Serenity reports:
"As I was dining in the quarters known as Wetherspoons, me and my compadres were approached by a strange man clutching a banana labelled 'GUN'. This I thought was quite peculiar, but as my friend opposite me slowly sank into his mixed grill, I realised the harm he had caused. So I pulled out my trusty spud gun, and as I had no bullets with me, I aimed at his head and shouted 'BANG!' taking out the unwholesome retch. He then sank down onto the floor, and me and my other compadre split the remnants of my deceased friend's dinner and enjoyed a hearty meal.
- Cyanide_Serenity."
Adrenaline Sheep - *+100 points: successful assassination*
Cyanide_Serenity - *+100 points : successful 'self-defence'*
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[Mon, 29 Nov 2010 11:17:31]
The Lone Gunman waits in solitude, to no avail!
"With the days growing shorter and the looming threat of being dubbed incompent over his head, the Lone Gunman decided to finally take the active route and hunt down his target in his abode. Armed to the teeth and ready for a fight to the death, he stalked his way over to [REDACTED] and steeled himself for what would be an epic battle. Unfortunately, he did not factor in his target's timetable, and after knocking three times he figured that they were probably at lectures. That, or far too smart to risk opening their door...
Your number is up. I will get you. Be warned.
The Lone Gunman"
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[Mon, 29 Nov 2010 19:13:15]
ctbullet oblitorates F4ng (Richard Klammer)
F4ng reports:
"I woke up to the white of the world, it was dawn and the windows were iced over. I thought to myself why must I embark into such severe weather, but today was my time and my plan was set. I journeyed into the abyss to a place they call Learning believing that by sunset I would have killed my target. The day went by and it was near my time to strike, the plan was to strike as they left the Tavern (SU). After finishing my meal my target received theirs, I knew the time was near and I left to prepare my ambush. 15 minutes and the meal would be down their gullet so I took temporary shelter in the Palace of Knowledge (Library). The time had passed and I left for my victim but little did I know I also was a target, the hunter became the hunted and I was within the clutches of another's ambush. My assassin jumped out from the depths of the white mist, the weight of an object was felt in my hood BOOM!!! my life was over at the hands of ctbullet, a grenade that close to my head was instant death, the snow turned red, the mist rained flesh. I had failed my mission, time being my greatest enemy. The meal I ate with intentions of strength became the meal I ate before the end of my life, my last supper."
ctbullet reports:
"After a recent failed assassination where I thought I'd exposed my identity, I decided to step up my game. I saw my target in the bar after an beastly training session. I scoped him out for an hour hoping he'd not suspect his forthcoming death.
I followed him and his friend to the library with an accomplice. We checked out the area and thought they'd given us the slip. My accomplice came running towards me telling to run for my life as they were approaching our position. I waited outside, grenade in hand. A few people came outside and I had to act natural as to not give away my position.
F4ng and his friend stepped outside of the safe zone and were now immediately exposed. I took my chance, ran up behind him, dropped my grenade in his jacket hood and commando rolled to safety. My hearing was slightly impaired due to the loud crippling bang but I still managed a mini wave in celebration. His friend was lucky enough to get away with severe yet none life threatening injuries."
Witness tesiment by Thyrmyr:
On a cold winter's night I spied my companion's target leaving our village's House of Merry-making (The Lounge). I sought out my companion and informed that his target and a friend were heading to the Grand Hall to seek ancient scrolls of wisdom (going to the Library). We scouted out the Grand Hall and located the target, and chose to wait outside the main entrance for him. Upon emerging, my brave companion sprung from his hiding spot, planting a citric explosive (a lime grenade) in his target's cloak. My companion barely had enough time to clear the area before the explosive detonated, launching my companion off his feet and into the snow, and killing his target instantly. The target's friend survived the blast, but suffered major injuries.
In honour of this event, I, Thyrmyr, Legendary Norse Warrior (and lover of simple poetry) have written a limerick:
Little did this target know
that his killer had a ghost in tow
A grenade was employed
and his body was destroyed
staining red the cold winter snow.
With my debt repayed, I can return to the afterlife until I am next called upon.
Thyrmyr
ctbullet *+100 points: successful assassination*
Thyrmyr *+25 points: Witness account*
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[Mon, 29 Nov 2010 21:18:58]
Atilla the Nun runs away
Atilla the Nun reports:
"Having decided that passively waiting for his target to introduce themselves was a foolish thing (a decision in no way influenced by the threat of incompetency) Atilla the Nun embarked on a most epic of quests that would rival his time spent as a nun on the Central Asian steppes. He packed only his mightiest of weapons and took no provisions, his aim to have completed the kill and returned safe before freezing to death or getting really cold.
Our hero arrived at his destination. Finding his victim skulking inside he attempted to draw him out through the intercom with the promise of a magic lost folder. Alas it was not to be, for his victim was the keener and knew he had not lost such a folder! Seeing through his disguise like clothes through a body scanner, his target accused our hero of being the assassin. Atilla was mortified at this revealing, fleeing back into the darkness before his would be victim could see his face, he vowed revenge...."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
[Tue, 23 Nov 2010 13:23:59]
Pandy the prince fails to impress, with another missed opportunity!
When i returned back to my Palace unsuccessful from my last attempt one on my wives "trisha" was very disappointed in me. She threated to leave me unless i come up with a good plan. Cause trisha washes the dishes i could not let this happen. Elizabeth and Sarah knew i try my best (btw these are the wives i refer to) so i ask for my palace shaman.
The shaman came and suggested he cast a spell turning me into a animal. I suggested something furious and scarier. He turned me into a squirrel. I slapped him for his insolence but tryed it any way.
I discovered where my prey would be next and waited blending into the trees and leaves acting like squirrels do. As my target approached i pounched........ A cilvian got in my way and my knife broke on his arm. So i ran for my own safety uncase he decide to get revenge for injuring his companion. I got away safe but yet again [NAME OMMITTED] (also known as System32) got away alive again.
I fear now trisha will leave me but hey i got two other wives and it coming up to friday where i "hit the town" looking for more.
I fear i have to conjour up my armys to finish do my bidding or summon the demon of death to finish him off. I will get you System32. I will GET YOU!!!!!
Pandy the prince
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[Wed, 1 Dec 2010 17:06:41]
Cyanide_Serenity(Charlotte Shirvington) falls to StygianVanguard
*+100 points: successful assassination*
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[Wed, 1 Dec 2010 20:06:40]
Incompetency takes its first victim as Thor(Ben Dennett) is eliminated by Amethyst
Thor reports:
"Shot down in my own lounge by a revolver I bought for a friend. Incompentcy is a bitch."
Amethyst reports:
"Upon being warned that I had become complacent in my assassination duties and was soon to be announced incompetent, I worried for my workload was so high. Days went by and I spent them in front of my hi-tech monitor until finally Wednesday arrived and my weekly visit to a friend's took me out of my home.
Again, my friend's home became a place for me to take another's life. I was told by a PC Fidler that someone I knew well was on the incompetent list and he was free to be killed by anyone! I took my chance and took a borrowed gun to an unsuspecting Ben Dennett's head as he sat upstairs watching some tv. I had avenged my dear friend, Incognito's death!
Now back to finding my actual target...
- Amethyst"
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
[Wed, 1 Dec 2010 20:52:18]
Newton T Cronic(Conner Wincott) dies as The Infected Nose sniffs out a new kind of prey
The Infected Nose reports
"The infected nose was invited into conner wincotts room as he was watching unknowning of the incoming danger that lay ahead, as he sat there enjoying this new trailer he was taking down by a gun shot to the back."
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
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[Wed, 1 Dec 2010 22:59:00]
A Tactical Facepalm(Andy Worstencroft) falls prey to the strong arm of the law
A Tactical Facepalm reports:
"As i was unsuccessful in planning an attempt on my target's life, i have been deemed incompetent, so decided on a stroll with some comrades at arms. Little was i aware that there was a planned betrayal within the group. As a member of the group was pointing out something to me and my attention was where he was pointing, PC Shelton used his outsretched hand to plunge a deep knife straight into my chest, and within sight of the local hospital. I fell to the snowy ground, which was now red with my blood, with my vision going blurry, all i could think was how i never regained my honour.
- A tactical facepalm."
PC Shelton reports:
"At 10:30pm on Wednesday 1st December, known assassin and civilian-murderer Andy Worstencroft (aka A Tactical Facepalm) was neutralised by PC Shelton after a successful sting operation. Acting on intelligence from an informant in the infamous "Bureau of Assassins" I met with the suspect and two other members of the Bureau under the pretext of taking part in some winter recreational sports. Upon deeming the area unsuitable due to the presence of a large group of youths, we decided to cancel our plans and head home for the evening.
After walking with the suspect for several minutes and ensuring that he would pose no threat to me, I decided to take action. I located my weapon of choice for the operation - several poisoned darts - then waited for my opportunity. The moment the suspect looked away from me to point out something across the road, I struck him in the chest with two darts. The fast-acting poison instantly paralyzed him and he fell into the snow at the side of the road, dying within seconds. Although it was an unorthodox method of dispatching the suspect, it proved efficient and resulted in no unnecessary disturbance.
The town of Stafford will be a safer place with this deadly assassin no longer roaming the streets.
I nominate PC Henderson to visit the deceased's parents to inform them of their loss."
*+100 enforcement: successful dispatch of an incompetent*
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[Thu, 2 Dec 2010 01:25:42]
StygianVanguard frees Amethyst(Tansa Smith) of her mortal coil
Amethyst reports:
"It had been a long day, I had worked for hours, I had killed an incompetent assassin and I had trudged from the Beaconside area down right to the center of town to the place I call home. Upon coming home there were no other room doors open in my flat and I thought that my day had all but ended. My finale of the night was to be poptarts before bed until... I noticed my best friend’s door was open! Cheerful to see my friend, I poked my head round the door and say hi before settling into a chat with her. I knew not of the danger before it was too late and another assassin (Ben Leech) had appeared out of nowhere and pointed a gun at my head before pulling the trigger. The last thought that rolled around my surprised mind was simply this, “Does this count as an extenuating circumstance?”
Therefore I, Amethyst (Tansa Smith) have been banished to a heaven where an automatic unwrap button exists and matte paintings do themselves."
StygianVanguard reports:
"As I sat in Bridgewood house, an assassin that was dubbed "incompetant" walked past me, so I drew my gun and saved her from her work as an assassin. She died with a smile on her face.
StygianVanguard"
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
[Thu, 2 Dec 2010 13:08:45]
Count Reginald Van Tibblesworth (Jason Whittaker) is decieved and murdered by dodgy cops
Count Reginald Van Tibblesworth reports:
"I was vulnerable, and very ill, my friends came late at night, lied and deceived me and finished it off with a water pistol bullet into the top of my head."
PC Hallows Reports as follows:
" It was a crisp Wednesday evening/ Thursday morning. I was trained and de-briefed mere minutes before my unforgivable act by the honourable PC Wynn. My Police status came alive at exactly 12:00, the kill was timed with accuracy and precision at exactly 12:03. An unknown sea gull look-alike(Glenn Edwards) was stroking my target. Myself and PC Wynn hatched a plan. He hid the weapon in an unusually fluffy cushion in the targets own home. I complained of sore knees and received cushion as a knee aid in my mission against pain. I concealed the weapon until the clock chimed midnight (or until my phone read midnight) as my target lay down beside me groaning in pleasure at Mr Edwards attempts at a back massage. Clearly a success. It was midnight, My license gleaming in my new Calvin Klein wallet. I reached for my weapon (GREEN water gun) and at point blank range I shot Jason Whittaker in the head. Spattering Glenn with brain shrapnel and bits of sick as many bystanders (Bill Mcgettigan and Jimmy Thomas) were violently ill on the beige carpet. The time had now turned to 12:04 Me and My fellow PC and masseuse departed to have a jolly chat about the night's events.
THE DEATHLY HALLOWS STRIKES (I am aware for the first, there will be more!! ) "
*+100 enforcement: successful dispatch of an incompetent*
[Thu, 2 Dec 2010 22:51:00]
PC Grew eliminates Simpatiko(Mervin Francisco)
PC Grew reports:
"At approximately 11:30AM this morning I had information from a fellow officer of the law (PC Halson) that the well known serial killer Mervin Francisco would be arriving onto campus shortly, having known from previous intelligence that he would be cycling in. I immediately headed down to the bike racks where to my surprise I saw the killer had already arrived, and was locking up his I quickly and swiftly eliminated him with two clean shots that pierced his chest. I can now thankfully announce to the people of Stafford that this notorious killer is off the streets. Let this also prove a warning to any other assassins that the law will come down very hard on assassins."
*+100 enforcement: successful dispatch of an incompetent*
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[Fri, 3 Dec 2010 11:29:20]
Butterfly of Doom(Sean Thompson) falls before the holy might of Atilla the Nun
Atilla the Nun reports:
"Travelling this morning towards the monthly nunnery [work] meeting with the Mother Superior [management], Atilla spied the ungodly serial killer Butterfly of Doom walking the same way. Quick in reactions and nimble on his feet, our hero silently approached his unaware target. Calling out “Sean Thompson”, our hero plunged a knife blessed by the Venerable Pope John Paul II deep into his victim’s torso as he turned to face the threat. This was the end for the butterfly of doom, and it was mercifully swift."
Butterfly of Doom reports:
"It is with regret I write confirming my untimely death. As I was approching my place of work, a colleuge of mine aproached from behind. As he called out to me I noticed he had concealed his hand. I knew what was about to unfold, and having no ways to defend myself nor the strength to run to safe due to the long, tiresome treck from my castle, I was stabbed. "
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
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[Fri, 3 Dec 2010 12:37:32]
ctbullet guns down system32(Chris Bean)
ctbullet reports:
"To my delight a well known assassin and friend appeared on the incompetents list this week.
It was never my main intention to gun him down but after conveniently bumping into him between 2 safe zones I thought game on! I gave him a few moments then stealthily stalked him, weapon of complete and utter carnage in hand (water pistol). Just steps before entering a safe zone I open fired, destroying him, blood splatter the nearby walls and a red river trickled from beneath his fallen corpse."
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
[Fri, 3 Dec 2010 14:03:59]
ctbullet continues his reign of death, this time Singularity(Kyle Whitney) suffers his wrath
Singularity reports:
"Wandering from my networking session I, Singularity had let my guard down from being in a tired haze from late nights as well as being distracted by conversation with friends, thus giving [NAME OMITTED] the time to run up from behind and shoot me with a very accurate and deadly headshot as I was turning to look at him. My final words of "Oh Crud" before my brains were blown out and all over the snow round us."
ctbullet reports:
"Moments after killing System32, gun still warm with blood droplets, Singularity suffers a similar fate.
I spotted Singularity in the distance heading towards halls of residence. Adrenaline still pumping I took my chance and chased down another incompetent assassin. Gun pointed at his head I blew Singularities brains out all over the snow! Take that incompetence."
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
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[Fri, 3 Dec 2010 17:06:28]
PC Grew shoots it out with The Bourne Anihilator
PC Grew reports:
"This afternoon at approximately 2PM I met briefly with the criminal acting as an undercover officer towards the end of a meeting he was having, as I knew his plans to return to his work in a different part of the building. As he wanted to get there quickly he utilized a short-cut across the grass area where he realised I was following him so quickly turned round to eliminate me an officer of the law. However I was far too fast for him and pulled out my revolver and quickly despatched him With a single shot to the chest with many civilian witnesses.
Let this swift eliminating be a warning to other incompetents that the officers of the Law will hunt you down."
*+100 enforcement: successful dispatch of an incompetent*
Firenze (Chris Fox) is gunned down by Adrenaline Sheep (Ed Wynn), who is then is swiftly dispatched by Cyanide_Serenity!
Firenze reports:
"I had had no luck in gathering information on my own target. He is a crafty foe, having left no record of his activities and shirking the usual facilities of the Book of Faces and the flock of tweeting birds. Even the information the Bureau provided me regarding his educational activities was of little aid for various reasons. While lately I have been carefully planning a more reckless attempt, I took an evening to celebrate the anniversary of my birth with carefully selected and trustworthy compatriots.
We ajourned to the popular eating place, The Picture House, and as we arrived my cunning dispatcher (according to my soon-to-be avenger) followed us in. To my shame I did not recognise the danger I was in and in any case was in no state to properly deal with the villain, having foolishly left my weapon upon a shelf in my well-defended, near-impenetrable dormitory.
It was some time later, as we were dining upon our individual mixed grills, that the Sheep approached from behind. He called my true name and, rather than burst from my seat, grab a plate with which to (pardon the pun) cover my rear and retort with a well-thrown steak knife, I amicably turned towards the voice... only to be left staring down the barrel of a high-calibre banana.
In my final moments before consciousness slipped away and all was dark, I congratulated my killer on a job well done and witnessed one of my dining partners draw their own weapon with which to even the score."
Cyanide_Serenity reports:
"As I was dining in the quarters known as Wetherspoons, me and my compadres were approached by a strange man clutching a banana labelled 'GUN'. This I thought was quite peculiar, but as my friend opposite me slowly sank into his mixed grill, I realised the harm he had caused. So I pulled out my trusty spud gun, and as I had no bullets with me, I aimed at his head and shouted 'BANG!' taking out the unwholesome retch. He then sank down onto the floor, and me and my other compadre split the remnants of my deceased friend's dinner and enjoyed a hearty meal.
- Cyanide_Serenity."
Adrenaline Sheep - *+100 points: successful assassination*
Cyanide_Serenity - *+100 points : successful 'self-defence'*
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[Mon, 29 Nov 2010 11:17:31]
The Lone Gunman waits in solitude, to no avail!
"With the days growing shorter and the looming threat of being dubbed incompent over his head, the Lone Gunman decided to finally take the active route and hunt down his target in his abode. Armed to the teeth and ready for a fight to the death, he stalked his way over to [REDACTED] and steeled himself for what would be an epic battle. Unfortunately, he did not factor in his target's timetable, and after knocking three times he figured that they were probably at lectures. That, or far too smart to risk opening their door...
Your number is up. I will get you. Be warned.
The Lone Gunman"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
[Mon, 29 Nov 2010 19:13:15]
ctbullet oblitorates F4ng (Richard Klammer)
F4ng reports:
"I woke up to the white of the world, it was dawn and the windows were iced over. I thought to myself why must I embark into such severe weather, but today was my time and my plan was set. I journeyed into the abyss to a place they call Learning believing that by sunset I would have killed my target. The day went by and it was near my time to strike, the plan was to strike as they left the Tavern (SU). After finishing my meal my target received theirs, I knew the time was near and I left to prepare my ambush. 15 minutes and the meal would be down their gullet so I took temporary shelter in the Palace of Knowledge (Library). The time had passed and I left for my victim but little did I know I also was a target, the hunter became the hunted and I was within the clutches of another's ambush. My assassin jumped out from the depths of the white mist, the weight of an object was felt in my hood BOOM!!! my life was over at the hands of ctbullet, a grenade that close to my head was instant death, the snow turned red, the mist rained flesh. I had failed my mission, time being my greatest enemy. The meal I ate with intentions of strength became the meal I ate before the end of my life, my last supper."
ctbullet reports:
"After a recent failed assassination where I thought I'd exposed my identity, I decided to step up my game. I saw my target in the bar after an beastly training session. I scoped him out for an hour hoping he'd not suspect his forthcoming death.
I followed him and his friend to the library with an accomplice. We checked out the area and thought they'd given us the slip. My accomplice came running towards me telling to run for my life as they were approaching our position. I waited outside, grenade in hand. A few people came outside and I had to act natural as to not give away my position.
F4ng and his friend stepped outside of the safe zone and were now immediately exposed. I took my chance, ran up behind him, dropped my grenade in his jacket hood and commando rolled to safety. My hearing was slightly impaired due to the loud crippling bang but I still managed a mini wave in celebration. His friend was lucky enough to get away with severe yet none life threatening injuries."
Witness tesiment by Thyrmyr:
On a cold winter's night I spied my companion's target leaving our village's House of Merry-making (The Lounge). I sought out my companion and informed that his target and a friend were heading to the Grand Hall to seek ancient scrolls of wisdom (going to the Library). We scouted out the Grand Hall and located the target, and chose to wait outside the main entrance for him. Upon emerging, my brave companion sprung from his hiding spot, planting a citric explosive (a lime grenade) in his target's cloak. My companion barely had enough time to clear the area before the explosive detonated, launching my companion off his feet and into the snow, and killing his target instantly. The target's friend survived the blast, but suffered major injuries.
In honour of this event, I, Thyrmyr, Legendary Norse Warrior (and lover of simple poetry) have written a limerick:
Little did this target know
that his killer had a ghost in tow
A grenade was employed
and his body was destroyed
staining red the cold winter snow.
With my debt repayed, I can return to the afterlife until I am next called upon.
Thyrmyr
ctbullet *+100 points: successful assassination*
Thyrmyr *+25 points: Witness account*
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[Mon, 29 Nov 2010 21:18:58]
Atilla the Nun runs away
Atilla the Nun reports:
"Having decided that passively waiting for his target to introduce themselves was a foolish thing (a decision in no way influenced by the threat of incompetency) Atilla the Nun embarked on a most epic of quests that would rival his time spent as a nun on the Central Asian steppes. He packed only his mightiest of weapons and took no provisions, his aim to have completed the kill and returned safe before freezing to death or getting really cold.
Our hero arrived at his destination. Finding his victim skulking inside he attempted to draw him out through the intercom with the promise of a magic lost folder. Alas it was not to be, for his victim was the keener and knew he had not lost such a folder! Seeing through his disguise like clothes through a body scanner, his target accused our hero of being the assassin. Atilla was mortified at this revealing, fleeing back into the darkness before his would be victim could see his face, he vowed revenge...."
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[Tue, 23 Nov 2010 13:23:59]
Pandy the prince fails to impress, with another missed opportunity!
When i returned back to my Palace unsuccessful from my last attempt one on my wives "trisha" was very disappointed in me. She threated to leave me unless i come up with a good plan. Cause trisha washes the dishes i could not let this happen. Elizabeth and Sarah knew i try my best (btw these are the wives i refer to) so i ask for my palace shaman.
The shaman came and suggested he cast a spell turning me into a animal. I suggested something furious and scarier. He turned me into a squirrel. I slapped him for his insolence but tryed it any way.
I discovered where my prey would be next and waited blending into the trees and leaves acting like squirrels do. As my target approached i pounched........ A cilvian got in my way and my knife broke on his arm. So i ran for my own safety uncase he decide to get revenge for injuring his companion. I got away safe but yet again [NAME OMMITTED] (also known as System32) got away alive again.
I fear now trisha will leave me but hey i got two other wives and it coming up to friday where i "hit the town" looking for more.
I fear i have to conjour up my armys to finish do my bidding or summon the demon of death to finish him off. I will get you System32. I will GET YOU!!!!!
Pandy the prince
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[Wed, 1 Dec 2010 17:06:41]
Cyanide_Serenity(Charlotte Shirvington) falls to StygianVanguard
*+100 points: successful assassination*
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[Wed, 1 Dec 2010 20:06:40]
Incompetency takes its first victim as Thor(Ben Dennett) is eliminated by Amethyst
Thor reports:
"Shot down in my own lounge by a revolver I bought for a friend. Incompentcy is a bitch."
Amethyst reports:
"Upon being warned that I had become complacent in my assassination duties and was soon to be announced incompetent, I worried for my workload was so high. Days went by and I spent them in front of my hi-tech monitor until finally Wednesday arrived and my weekly visit to a friend's took me out of my home.
Again, my friend's home became a place for me to take another's life. I was told by a PC Fidler that someone I knew well was on the incompetent list and he was free to be killed by anyone! I took my chance and took a borrowed gun to an unsuspecting Ben Dennett's head as he sat upstairs watching some tv. I had avenged my dear friend, Incognito's death!
Now back to finding my actual target...
- Amethyst"
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
[Wed, 1 Dec 2010 20:52:18]
Newton T Cronic(Conner Wincott) dies as The Infected Nose sniffs out a new kind of prey
The Infected Nose reports
"The infected nose was invited into conner wincotts room as he was watching unknowning of the incoming danger that lay ahead, as he sat there enjoying this new trailer he was taking down by a gun shot to the back."
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
[Wed, 1 Dec 2010 22:59:00]
A Tactical Facepalm(Andy Worstencroft) falls prey to the strong arm of the law
A Tactical Facepalm reports:
"As i was unsuccessful in planning an attempt on my target's life, i have been deemed incompetent, so decided on a stroll with some comrades at arms. Little was i aware that there was a planned betrayal within the group. As a member of the group was pointing out something to me and my attention was where he was pointing, PC Shelton used his outsretched hand to plunge a deep knife straight into my chest, and within sight of the local hospital. I fell to the snowy ground, which was now red with my blood, with my vision going blurry, all i could think was how i never regained my honour.
- A tactical facepalm."
PC Shelton reports:
"At 10:30pm on Wednesday 1st December, known assassin and civilian-murderer Andy Worstencroft (aka A Tactical Facepalm) was neutralised by PC Shelton after a successful sting operation. Acting on intelligence from an informant in the infamous "Bureau of Assassins" I met with the suspect and two other members of the Bureau under the pretext of taking part in some winter recreational sports. Upon deeming the area unsuitable due to the presence of a large group of youths, we decided to cancel our plans and head home for the evening.
After walking with the suspect for several minutes and ensuring that he would pose no threat to me, I decided to take action. I located my weapon of choice for the operation - several poisoned darts - then waited for my opportunity. The moment the suspect looked away from me to point out something across the road, I struck him in the chest with two darts. The fast-acting poison instantly paralyzed him and he fell into the snow at the side of the road, dying within seconds. Although it was an unorthodox method of dispatching the suspect, it proved efficient and resulted in no unnecessary disturbance.
The town of Stafford will be a safer place with this deadly assassin no longer roaming the streets.
I nominate PC Henderson to visit the deceased's parents to inform them of their loss."
*+100 enforcement: successful dispatch of an incompetent*
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[Thu, 2 Dec 2010 01:25:42]
StygianVanguard frees Amethyst(Tansa Smith) of her mortal coil
Amethyst reports:
"It had been a long day, I had worked for hours, I had killed an incompetent assassin and I had trudged from the Beaconside area down right to the center of town to the place I call home. Upon coming home there were no other room doors open in my flat and I thought that my day had all but ended. My finale of the night was to be poptarts before bed until... I noticed my best friend’s door was open! Cheerful to see my friend, I poked my head round the door and say hi before settling into a chat with her. I knew not of the danger before it was too late and another assassin (Ben Leech) had appeared out of nowhere and pointed a gun at my head before pulling the trigger. The last thought that rolled around my surprised mind was simply this, “Does this count as an extenuating circumstance?”
Therefore I, Amethyst (Tansa Smith) have been banished to a heaven where an automatic unwrap button exists and matte paintings do themselves."
StygianVanguard reports:
"As I sat in Bridgewood house, an assassin that was dubbed "incompetant" walked past me, so I drew my gun and saved her from her work as an assassin. She died with a smile on her face.
StygianVanguard"
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
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[Thu, 2 Dec 2010 13:08:45]
Count Reginald Van Tibblesworth (Jason Whittaker) is decieved and murdered by dodgy cops
Count Reginald Van Tibblesworth reports:
"I was vulnerable, and very ill, my friends came late at night, lied and deceived me and finished it off with a water pistol bullet into the top of my head."
PC Hallows Reports as follows:
" It was a crisp Wednesday evening/ Thursday morning. I was trained and de-briefed mere minutes before my unforgivable act by the honourable PC Wynn. My Police status came alive at exactly 12:00, the kill was timed with accuracy and precision at exactly 12:03. An unknown sea gull look-alike(Glenn Edwards) was stroking my target. Myself and PC Wynn hatched a plan. He hid the weapon in an unusually fluffy cushion in the targets own home. I complained of sore knees and received cushion as a knee aid in my mission against pain. I concealed the weapon until the clock chimed midnight (or until my phone read midnight) as my target lay down beside me groaning in pleasure at Mr Edwards attempts at a back massage. Clearly a success. It was midnight, My license gleaming in my new Calvin Klein wallet. I reached for my weapon (GREEN water gun) and at point blank range I shot Jason Whittaker in the head. Spattering Glenn with brain shrapnel and bits of sick as many bystanders (Bill Mcgettigan and Jimmy Thomas) were violently ill on the beige carpet. The time had now turned to 12:04 Me and My fellow PC and masseuse departed to have a jolly chat about the night's events.
THE DEATHLY HALLOWS STRIKES (I am aware for the first, there will be more!! ) "
*+100 enforcement: successful dispatch of an incompetent*
[Thu, 2 Dec 2010 22:51:00]
PC Grew eliminates Simpatiko(Mervin Francisco)
PC Grew reports:
"At approximately 11:30AM this morning I had information from a fellow officer of the law (PC Halson) that the well known serial killer Mervin Francisco would be arriving onto campus shortly, having known from previous intelligence that he would be cycling in. I immediately headed down to the bike racks where to my surprise I saw the killer had already arrived, and was locking up his I quickly and swiftly eliminated him with two clean shots that pierced his chest. I can now thankfully announce to the people of Stafford that this notorious killer is off the streets. Let this also prove a warning to any other assassins that the law will come down very hard on assassins."
*+100 enforcement: successful dispatch of an incompetent*
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[Fri, 3 Dec 2010 11:29:20]
Butterfly of Doom(Sean Thompson) falls before the holy might of Atilla the Nun
Atilla the Nun reports:
"Travelling this morning towards the monthly nunnery [work] meeting with the Mother Superior [management], Atilla spied the ungodly serial killer Butterfly of Doom walking the same way. Quick in reactions and nimble on his feet, our hero silently approached his unaware target. Calling out “Sean Thompson”, our hero plunged a knife blessed by the Venerable Pope John Paul II deep into his victim’s torso as he turned to face the threat. This was the end for the butterfly of doom, and it was mercifully swift."
Butterfly of Doom reports:
"It is with regret I write confirming my untimely death. As I was approching my place of work, a colleuge of mine aproached from behind. As he called out to me I noticed he had concealed his hand. I knew what was about to unfold, and having no ways to defend myself nor the strength to run to safe due to the long, tiresome treck from my castle, I was stabbed. "
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
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[Fri, 3 Dec 2010 12:37:32]
ctbullet guns down system32(Chris Bean)
ctbullet reports:
"To my delight a well known assassin and friend appeared on the incompetents list this week.
It was never my main intention to gun him down but after conveniently bumping into him between 2 safe zones I thought game on! I gave him a few moments then stealthily stalked him, weapon of complete and utter carnage in hand (water pistol). Just steps before entering a safe zone I open fired, destroying him, blood splatter the nearby walls and a red river trickled from beneath his fallen corpse."
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
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[Fri, 3 Dec 2010 14:03:59]
ctbullet continues his reign of death, this time Singularity(Kyle Whitney) suffers his wrath
Singularity reports:
"Wandering from my networking session I, Singularity had let my guard down from being in a tired haze from late nights as well as being distracted by conversation with friends, thus giving [NAME OMITTED] the time to run up from behind and shoot me with a very accurate and deadly headshot as I was turning to look at him. My final words of "Oh Crud" before my brains were blown out and all over the snow round us."
ctbullet reports:
"Moments after killing System32, gun still warm with blood droplets, Singularity suffers a similar fate.
I spotted Singularity in the distance heading towards halls of residence. Adrenaline still pumping I took my chance and chased down another incompetent assassin. Gun pointed at his head I blew Singularities brains out all over the snow! Take that incompetence."
*+100 points: successful assassination of an incompetent*
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[Fri, 3 Dec 2010 17:06:28]
PC Grew shoots it out with The Bourne Anihilator
PC Grew reports:
"This afternoon at approximately 2PM I met briefly with the criminal acting as an undercover officer towards the end of a meeting he was having, as I knew his plans to return to his work in a different part of the building. As he wanted to get there quickly he utilized a short-cut across the grass area where he realised I was following him so quickly turned round to eliminate me an officer of the law. However I was far too fast for him and pulled out my revolver and quickly despatched him With a single shot to the chest with many civilian witnesses.
Let this swift eliminating be a warning to other incompetents that the officers of the Law will hunt you down."
*+100 enforcement: successful dispatch of an incompetent*